10 Common Problems Couples Encounter After Moving in Together

Sharing a home with your loved one takes a lot of commitment and agreement between you both - it's not always happily-ever-after. If you are considering moving in together, think about the benefits and repercussions and weigh them in before actually taking that huge step. You may not know it, but living together may actually be harder than it looks

In this blog we talk about the 10 most common problems couples experience living together, and what you can do about it.

1. Living Together Makes it More Difficult to Separate Ways

Choosing to move in together is normally decided because you and your partner are both confident and comfortable enough in each other's judgments and space. But did you know living together can have a multitude of effects?

It's been proven that while moving together increases the chances of staying together, it doesn't increase how devoted you are towards each other. As a matter of fact, it can add stress to the relationship as you take on extra responsibilities. As your finances become more intermingled, it can become more difficult to separate. There rises the other problem - if you and your partner decide to end your relationship, it's not easy because you're under one roof and it may take a little while to dissolve your shared financial obligations

Remember that both you and your partner have your own views and habits, and it's important both parties accept and establish limits in a way that doesn't make a possible breakup in the future messy. You want to break up because of actual reasons, not because it's a hassle to move stuff around.

2. Living Together can Affect Communication - In a Bad Way

Studies show that living together often creates more conflict than dating or being married. When a couple is living together, they're caught up in the middle - they face common couple issuesas would a dating couple have (such as time, friends, jealousy, commitment), and at the same time, face common problems married couples experience (such as bills, in-laws, children, etc).

Living with your partner can affect how you respond to seemingly larger relationship issues than when you weren't living together - sometimes in a negative way. Because you're under one roof, a choice you might make is to just keep grievances to yourself and bring it to the table some other time. However, as these concerns accumulate, it increases the discord and disruption in the relationship, and may bubble to the surface during an argument. These situations can sometimes blow out of control easily because of unvoiced grievances from the past.

In any cohabiting relationship, it's crucial that you and your partner learn to listen and take on board constructive criticism. Living together sounds easy, but it can be challenging - especially in the long run - so good communication must be practiced in order to lessen the stress.

3. Living Together Creates a Break-Up Mentality

"What if this doesn't work out after all?", you ask yourself in the back of your mind, as you decide how to split the furniture, the finances, and even the pets in the event of a bad breakup. That kind of mentality shouldn't ever even exist in the first place when you're thinking of living together, and yet it creeps in. It makes it harder to fully commit later on because the "what ifs" become a habit.

When deciding to live together, learn to let go of the "what ifs" - and maybe even talk them out with your partner - and affirm yourselves into making the relationship work. Being committed to a relationship is learning from experiences together, not crippling it.

4. Living Together Influences Compatibility

Moving in with your partner means you've considered him/her to be your partner for life, but don't make it an approach to measure your compatibility. You have to know it between the both of you that you're compatible already, and you're more than ready to face the world together.

If you're considering marrying your partner, try engaging in activities together to get a feel for what it's like to face challenges together, and see how you both fare from there. Take a short trip, try a new hobby together, do babysitting together once in a while.

5. Living Together Means Adjusting Finances

Living together entails shared finances. Together, you'll pay for your rent/mortgage, your utility bills, groceries and other expenses. But as the saying goes, "Money is the Root of All Evil", and disagreements with expenses can backlash your living state immensely.

Before deciding to live together, make sure you've discussed how you'll be handling your shared expenses. Have an honest discussion about money so you are both on the same page. Compromise is key to every relationship, even when it comes to money.

6. Living Together May Accumulate Petty Arguments

"Why can't he just do his own laundry?"

"Why am I supposed to clean her mess myself?"

These are petty, to be honest. But once they pile up, they take a serious toll in the relationship. These small things can cause resentment, and sometimes you might even regret living with your partner in the first place. Arguments about chores and other small matters can feel like the relationship is imbalanced and unfair.

The best solution? Compromise. Like we always say, compromise is key. Clear, open and honest communication between both parties solve even the most little of matters in the household. Create schedules, designate specific tasks to one another, and find solutionsthat work for the both of you.

7. Living Together Can Reduce Alone Time

Living together affects each other's lifestyles, and it may require you both to adjust how you go about your day-to-day life. From seeing each other once, twice a week to literally waking up beside him/her can be a bit overwhelming.

If you and your partner don't have the same habits with alone time, address it as early as you can. Talk about your boundaries, and don't be afraid to let your partner seek for your attention when he/she needs to, but within the set boundaries.

8. Living Together Might Cause Problems with Sex

When you used to meet with your partner once in a while, the sexual tension is intense. But seeing him/her everyday may lessen that urge and may cause issues with your sexual intimacy. If you're the type who wants to have sex frequently, but your partner isn't so up to that idea, it can lead to feelings of resentment and big arguments. Also, seeing your partner perform mundane domestic tasks can sometimes zap the attraction from your relationship.

Like how we advise resolving the other issues stated, the best way to fix this is to be honest about it. Talk about your sexual wants, needs, and even fears. Work out a routine that will be satisfactory for the both of you.

9. Living Together Could Make You Feel Irritated

In any relationship, your partner's silliness may seem more cute than annoying. But when you see that silliness everyday of your life? It may actually become annoying.

Living together means you have to experience reality - in this case, the reality of your partner's idiosyncrasies. If you feel he/she is doing it too much or is overboard with it, speak up about it in a respectful manner. Tell him/her about the habit/s that bother you, and suggest new solutions to live with your partner in peace without necessarily doing a 180-degree change in your partner's personality.

10. Living Together Doesn't Mean Letting Go of Everyone and Everything Else

Your non-romantic relationships are just as important as your relationship with your partner. Living under one roof doesn't always equate to separating from everyone else. Maintaining a good lifestyle with your partner is maintaining your connections with your family and friends, too.

Spend a few minutes talking to your parents, or go out on a coffee date with friends. You'll be in a much better position to handle whatever issues you'll face without stressing your partner too much by having another outlet to express your feelings to.

Living with your Partner is a Whole New Level of Intimacy.

Whether you’ve already decided to move in with your partner, or you’re already living with him/her, make sure you’ve both prepared yourselves for these issues (and possibly more) to come.

If you’re still having trouble communicating and compromising with your partner, it’s best to seek advice from a professional counsellor. Cooks Hill Counselling offers an open space for couples who are dealing with modern life issues and more. Our lines are open Mondays to Saturdays, 9AM to 5PM. Call us now at 0421 598 486 and let us help you lead to a happier life with your loved one.