10 Ways to Deal with Jealousy

One of the most common relationship problems that people encounter is jealousy.

Staying Present

It’s not easy, but practice makes perfect. If you find yourself feeling envious of your partner, be thankful that they are in your life and remind yourself of their good qualities—then think about what’s going well in your relationship. You can also see a professional if jealousy is starting to take a toll on your love life.

Knowing when it's time to move on

It’s normal to feel jealous in a relationship, especially when that jealousy stems from something concrete—like a partner seeing someone else or spending time with others. The important thing is not to overreact and lose sight of your bond as you work through things; keeping communication open is key here. When you feel jealous, step back and think about why—and if it’s something you can address within your relationship, discuss it candidly. Then try these tips for dealing with any lingering feelings

Understanding where the jealous feelings are coming from

It’s important to get a sense of why you are feeling jealous. Is it because your partner has started spending time with someone new? Do you feel like they are not paying attention to you anymore? Is there something that is going on in your life that is causing these feelings of jealousy? Once you can understand what is triggering these feelings then you can begin moving toward dealing with them effectively.

Honesty, communication, trust

The most common way to deal with feelings of jealousy is to express them and be honest. This can be difficult when they come up, but being able to discuss them (or at least acknowledge them) as they occur will help you come up with creative solutions. Communication is key, so if you’re feeling jealous and want your partner’s help in dealing with it, tell him or her!

Communicate desires and limits clearly

The first step in dealing with jealousy is communication. Be able to discuss your feelings and needs, as well as your partner’s feelings and needs. Find a way to express yourself clearly and effectively so you can work through tough issues together instead of feeling overwhelmed by emotions that are out of control. It is important for partners to always respect each other’s right to communicate their wants and desires even if they aren’t what you want or desire.

Affirm what's great

Make a list of all your partner's good qualities. Recognise that there are many more things about your mate that you like than dislike. Focus on your partner's positives when you're confronted by negative thoughts about him or her. If you have trouble seeing your partner's positive traits, ask friends and family members for their observations and opinions. You might be surprised at what they see in your relationship.

Balance negative thoughts with positive ones

Make a conscious effort to replace negative thoughts with positive ones. For example, if you’re consumed by jealousy over your partner’s female coworker and can’t stop yourself from imagining that they’re going to have an affair, try picturing them enjoying their favorite activity at home together instead. It may seem cheesy, but it works!

Discuss incidents that may spark jealousy

Even if you love your partner, there may be something about them that makes you a little bit jealous. Being aware of those jealous triggers and talking openly about them is an important part of a healthy relationship. If you’re feeling upset or uncertain, it’s helpful to look at past incidents in which your jealousy has been triggered. Were they times when your partner was spending more time away from you than usual? 

Get counselling

One of our first steps towards overcoming jealousy is reaching out for support. If you can’t seem to manage on your own, consider professional help from a trusted counsellor or therapist. Counselling can help you better understand your jealousy and gain a deeper insight into yourself and your partner’s behaviours.