Can Counselling Help with Cheating?

Trust is a very precious thing. It is an intangible sentiment that is carefully given to a person who is important and special. But while it is a strong emotion, it can easily be broken. Once it gets shattered, it can be difficult to bring the pieces back together again.

If a happy, faithful relationship is maintained by intimacy, security, and companionship, the lack of one element may sometimes lead to dissatisfaction. This then creates an opening for one to seek that missing piece from somebody or somewhere else. Often this is when cheating takes place.

More reasons why cheating may occur include:

• Low sense of self-esteem,
  
• The presence of opportunity,
  
• Dissatisfaction with the current relationship,
  
• Finding a way to leave the relationship,
  
• Addiction to sex
  
• Feelings of depression
  
• Feeling trapped or unhappy
  

There are those that say monogamy is unnatural to most animals, and that humans are one of the few that stick to it. But this is exactly what makes us human, and at the same time the thing that makes us feel hurt.

Cheating or infidelity can vary in degrees. Some manifestations of cheating are:

• Having a sexual affair without having emotional attachment,
  
• Indulging in cyber affair, such as through chats, texts, or sometimes pornography,
  
• An emotional affair wherein the third party becomes the confidant instead of the partner,
  
• A combination of both sexual and emotional affair, which is seen as the secondary relationship
  

Depending on how two people view cheating, it can vary from one couple to another. Nonetheless, the impact is still there, and it can create a rift that could lead to bigger problems.

A counsellor in this type of situation must maintain one mindset - moving forward. Siding with the person who was betrayed would just make the other individual feel the therapy is just a series of emotional beatings. Siding with the one who cheated, on the other hand, may make the other person feel he/she is the cause of infidelity.

There are a variety of techniques used in this kind of counselling. The therapist can make the person who cheated understand that his/ her partner is suffering emotions similar to PTSD, which is why there is the need to rehash events that has brought about the infidelity. Patience is of utmost importance when undergoing these treatments.

On the other hand, the person who felt betrayed may eventually realise that his/her partner may be struggling with inner demons. A higher self is reminding him/her of what is right, but the weaker self is trying to find ways to feel adequate. It isn’t always a valid reason, but the point of the therapy is to understand one another.

Lastly, symbolic ways of moving forward, such as burying of things that remind them of infidelity near an important place where their love sprouted, can be done. Instead of thinking about cheating, they will remember the precious moments of their relationship.

It never is easy to move forward, but it is possible. It takes a conscious effort for both parties to really want to salvage the relationship. Our skilled and unbiased counsellors at Cooks Hill Counselling can help.