Gaslighting - What you need to know

Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse where a person is psychologically manipulated by someone else or by a group of people. The term is used a lot to describe partnersand is commonly used in domestic abuse situations.

Gaslighting can make the victim unable to think clearly, making them question the validity of their own thoughts, memories, events around them, and their sanity. It occurs in interpersonal relationships, in the workplace, and most commonly in a romantic relationship between a couple. It usually happens over time and can have catastrophic consequences for the victim.

The origin of the term ‘gaslighting’ came from a 1938 play and its subsequent movie adaptations called ‘Gas Light’. The husband manipulates the wife into thinking she’s the one misplacing things around the house. He also tells her that the occasional dimming of the gas lights around the house is just her imagination, when in reality he secretly turns them on to search for valuables.

Gaslighting as a behavior was first noted in a clinical report in 1969. People were sent to a mental hospital through an elaborate strategy to make them seem like they’re mentally ill.

Gaslighting involves a desire to gain influence over someone and keep them under their control. The idea is to make the victim ignore facts, change their judgment, and force them to believe the abuser’s narrative.

Some situations that abusers put their victims in are:

• They insult their victims very often, then tell them it was a joke (or they lie about it) when confronted

• When confronted with their actions, they pretend to be innocent and play the victim

• They will make you feel like everything is your fault, even if it’s not

• They will always justify their actions and think that they’re always right

• They control how you live your life and they can live however they want

• They shift the blame to you, accuse you of what they are doing to you

• They will never apologise for the things they did and will do to you

• They want you to fail, and are good at pretending they want you to succeed

• They don’t want you to enjoy the things you love; they want you to be weak

• They isolate you from friends, family, and others

Stopping gaslighting isn’t easy, but you can first start by recognising you’re the victim in the relationship. Pay careful attention to your own experience and never surrender yourself to the abuser’s control. If you are doubting yourself, ask for someone else’s opinion to give yourself a little more validation. A second opinion of the situation may help you evaluate your own behaviours as well as others’ which may bring clarity to the situation.

It takes experience and confidence to recognise gaslighting and to speak out about it. When you feel stuck in the cycle of abuse, it’s best to seek a therapist or a counsellor’s help. Give Cooks Hill Counselling a call today on 0421 598 486. We are here to listen and help you find a solution. You may also email us at cookshill@optusnet.com.au.