How Counselling Helps After Divorce

After divorce, some people feel a myriad of emotions, and not all of them make sense. Some may feel like a thorn has been removed, while there are those that feel griefand anguish. At times it can be too much to bear, and this is when you need a professional counsellor to help you transition to a new chapter.

Here’s how counselling helps after divorce.

There are plenty of reasons why people get divorced in the first place. From affairs, abuse, to issues with communication, there are different slippery slopes a couple can fall into. Some can survive and become stronger. There are those, however, that exhibit the “four horsemen” of divorce introduced by psychologist John Gottman, which could herald an impending divorce.

The telltale signs of trouble can manifest themselves in many ways, however we find the following list can contribute to marital problems.

Criticism

Constructive criticism can be a normal part of communication, but it can happen too often and can quickly escalate into something unhealthy. Criticism is often present in unhealthy relationships and can do a lot of damage.

Lack of Respect

Developing respect for your partner is important to maintain a healthy relationship. Mutual respect and understanding can be a catalyst for success.

Defensiveness

Defensiveness can be a roadblock to problem solving and "going on the defensive" can worsen problems and halt conversations. Defensiveness is always feeling like you have to come to your own defence and sometimes it can be displayed in situations that don’t warrant it.

Stonewalling

Stonewalling is when you or your partner shuts down communication. This can be toxic in a relationship and can cause many problems. When you are unable to get a response, it can be frustrating and this is called stonewalling. You will know if you are being stonewalled, as it is usually characterised by the complete absence of communication between each parties.

Divorce can be a relief for some, but for others it can be difficult and depressing. Divorce doesn't just affect the couple, in fact it can also affect those around them. It can bring about drastic changes which can sometimes be uncomfortable, such as:

Financial Adjustments

If in the past the couple may have shared the expenses. Divorce can separate finances and some may find it difficult to budget for themselves. As such, it can cause stress on both individuals and those they support, especially if they were used to a certain level of financial comfort.

Lifestyle Changes

Married life can offer some sort of assurance that someone looks out for you. Sudden change brought about by divorce could thrust you back into the single life and dating scene. This can cause you to feel lonely or uncared for. It can cause a lot of emotions, which is why self-care is essential at this point.

Different Relationships

As a couple, you have a set of friends that may feel like they have to pick sides. This may cause alienation from your usual support systems. Or it may cause a situation that is so awkward that even they don’t know what to do. What’s worse is that children may be involved, and there’s the issue of where they live. It can make you anxiousand cause grief and insecurity along the way.

If the situation surrounding your divorce get too heavy for you and the people around you to bear, counselling becomes a beacon of hope. There are various ways divorce counselling can help.

Some of the ways it can aid you include:

• helping you get through the early stages of separation,
  
• educate you on healthy coping mechanisms,
  
• create a venue for everyone to receive counselling,
  
• assist concerned individuals into understanding what went wrong and what can be done to prevent the same mistakes in the future.