Relationship Counselling: Seeing Your Relationship From a Different Perspective

Even the strongest and most committed couples at times will struggle with their relationship and need to work through differences or adapt to changes in their relationship. But whether your relationship has deteriorated into stony silences and cycles of repetitive arguments, or you simply wish to improve your skills in dealing with relationship conflicts, relationship counselling gives you the practical tools to move forward in your life.

Relationship counselling refers to interventions that occur when a couple attends sessions with a counsellor, usually together but also in individual sessions when necessary. The complexity of the issues involved and the elevated distress levels experienced by the couple mean that relationship counselling usually takes place over multiple sessions over an extended timeframe.

With relationship counselling, a professional counsellor, psychologist or therapist helps couples resolve problems or issues in their relationship. The problems might have been there right from the beginning of a relationship, while others might have developed over time or as a response to stressors. If problems have been going on for some time, a relationship can already be in serious crisis.

Couples sometimes choose to see a counsellor to maintain their healthy relationship, or at the other end of the spectrum, when they are separating or divorcing , to make the traumatic process easier. In fact, couples of all kinds can benefit from counselling at some time in the relationship.

People who seek out relationship counselling are often suffering from high distress in their relationship. Research has actually shown that relationship counselling clients in Australia report four times the rate of very high psychological distress than the rate reported in the general Australian population. Relationship distress has a range of serious negative effects on individuals and often their children too, highlighting the critical need to alleviate relationship conflict and distress with relationship counselling.

Clients might present to a counsellor with specific issues, such as family violence, infidelity or addiction. Or they might present with more everyday concerns like communication problems, financial disagreements or arguments over child-raising. Either way, they turn to counselling to try to decrease their relationship distress and to increase the health of their relationship.

Primarily, the benefits of counsellinginclude a noticeable improvement in your communication with your partner, a reduction in the amount of arguments you have and their intensity, and an enhanced understanding of your partner’s perspective that can really revitalise your emotional connection.

A couple is made up of two individuals, each bringing their own personality, life history, needs, wants and dreams to the relationship. As such, there will inevitably always be differences in our perspectives, no matter how united a “team” we may see ourselves in our relationship. A qualified relationship counsellor is trained to teach you how to see your partner’s perspective for improved understanding and communication.

Our inability to see things from another person’s perspective can often result in conflict and distance developing between members of a couple. In the relationship counselling room, couples can explore each other’s experiences and emotions and are guided by the counsellor to consider a situation from a number of perspectives. This provides partners an opportunity to work out a solution that works for everyone and to shift things forward in a positive way. The counsellor will help the couple look at the changing nature of the relationship, at how both parties contribute, and what each party is prepared to do to make things work.

It’s a growing area of research with scholars now looking into the various mechanisms of change in relationship counselling, and testing the effectiveness of the most widely-practised approaches. Researchers also wish to broaden the empirical data base to better reflect the diversity of the community. So far, most of the research has been conducted on married, middle-class, heterosexual white couples, and there may be many under-served groups, such as LGBTI couples , older couples, unmarried couples and foster and adoptive parents.

But so far, judging by the randomised control trials and meta analyses that exist today, there is confirmed support for the effectiveness of relationship counselling. It should be noted that it’s not effective for all couples—about a quarter of couples show little improvement in relationship distress or satisfaction after counselling. And the effects of counselling tend to deteriorate over time, suggesting future refresher sessions could be of benefit to couples.

The research suggests that those couples with the greatest distress at the start of counselling see the least improvement in their distress levels. This leads practitioners to encourage clients to seek intervention early on if problems arise in a relationship, before they escalate to the point where relationship counselling is unfortunately less effective.

What has been found to positively affect outcomes in relationship counselling is the interaction of a number of factors, including the therapeutic alliance (essentially the bond between therapist and client), a client’s hopes and expectancies, providing feedback during counselling, and certain client and therapist characteristics.

Despite the proven effectiveness of relationship counselling however, statistics show that many couples experiencing relationship distress don’t seek professional help. Don’t make the common mistake of leaving seeking help til it’s too late—find out how you can maintain and get the best out of your intimate relationship now by taking advantage of relationship counselling services.

If you feel you and your partner would benefit from relationship counselling, talking to a professional counsellor can be very helpful. To schedule a consultationwith a qualified relationship counsellor, or for more information, please contact us on 0421 598 486.