What's it like Dating a Narcissist?

A narcissist can be difficult to date, but not because they aren’t fun and interesting people.

In fact, the narcissist you are in love with may have many wonderful qualities that make you feel like you hit the dating jackpot! It’s not until you begin to recognise some relationship red flags that you understand how toxic things can be. 

Love Isn’t Supposed to Hurt

If you’re experiencing emotional abuse from someone you thought was your soulmate—and are confused about what’s happening to you—you’re not alone. When it comes to dating, we often hear about how love is blind. But no one tells us what happens when love becomes abusive. The truth is that being in an emotionally abusive relationship can be incredibly confusing and isolating.

It can also be difficult to recognise that you’re being abused or even admit that something isn’t right in your relationship.

There are red flags

If someone you’re dating always seems to need validation and admiration from others. They might be aggressive or manipulative in order to get what they want. They could also have huge mood swings that come out of nowhere. While all these things are classic signs of narcissism, it’s important to keep in mind that not every self-centered person is actually a narcissist.

The easiest way to tell? See if you can engage them emotionally.

The hallmark of [narcissism] is having difficulty with empathy and closeness with others.

Do they devalue you?

It’s crucial to identify if your partner is possibly using or manipulating you. A narcissist knows what it takes to make someone feel good about themselves, making them ideal partners for dating. But narcissistic individuals are unable to form intimate bonds with others because they lack empathy and have an unstable sense of self. This inability to connect often manifests in toxic relationships where their romantic partner isn’t seen as an equal or even really seen at all.

When there is no true reciprocity between partners in terms of trust, respect and love – that relationship can fail without intervention. If you suspect your significant other might be narcissistic, research how codependency works and remember: You deserve better than manipulation or abuse! It’s never too late to start fresh. Your happiness depends on it!

Are they always right?

Narcissists often feel that they are always right and everyone else is wrong. If you tell them they are wrong about something, no matter how subtle, their ego can get very bruised. It can create massive conflict in your relationship if you disagree with your partner because everything turns into an argument. You need to be aware of how important they are to themselves and how much they can sometimes value their feelings over yours.

Why Blame Shifting is Dangerous

Blame shifting is one of those behaviours that you can’t quite figure out if it’s narcissism or manipulation. It involves an attempt to avoid responsibility for an action, usually by placing blame elsewhere. This can be subtle and hard to recognise – especially when it comes from someone you love. An angry partner may throw blame at their partner (You brought me to tears!) rather than admit they lost control of their own emotions.

A friend might say It wasn’t my fault! The car ran a red light! instead of taking responsibility for driving too fast. A parent might claim My child isn’t misbehaving, he just has ADHD! instead of admitting to bad parenting skills. You can see how these sorts of situations quickly become toxic in relationships because you don’t know who to trust anymore.

A Narcissist Might not Respect your Wishes or Feelings

Because narcissists feel entitled to get whatever they want (and blame others for their failures), it’s hard to expect that they’ll respect your wishes or feelings. They might not be upfront about their intentions or mask what they really feel – which is why it’s important to understand how you can tell if you’re dating a narcissist.

Jealousy and accusations

A person with narcissistic personality disorder believes that he or she is entitled to special treatment and has little regard for other people’s feelings. This behavior can manifest itself in extreme jealousy and suspicion, constant criticism of friends and family members—often behind their backs—and public humiliation if they don’t receive special treatment. Many narcissists use silent treatments as a way to control their partner’s emotions.

Unreasonable Expectations

If your partner consistently demands more of you than is fair or reasonable—whether it’s emotional support, attention, sex or money—they may be exhibiting narcissistic tendencies. Narcissists expect special treatment and feel entitled to it. They don’t like asking for help and are aggressive when others don’t give them what they want. If these traits sound familiar, talk to your partner about their expectations and needs.

Be prepared that they won’t take responsibility for their behaviour. If they do not change their ways after you bring up your concerns in a calm way and in an appropriate setting (i.e., not during an argument), end things before you get too emotionally invested or stuck in an unhealthy cycle of resentment or abuse.

Rage/Abuse Cycle

The rage/abuse cycle is a well known phonemenon in Narcissistic personalities. It can typically start off with insults and verbal abuse. This is often followed by shunning, which manifests as ignoring or excluding your partner from social activities for days or weeks at a time. The abuser then seeks to control you with threats and humiliation, such as making negative comments about your appearance etc. This cycle is well documented in narcissism and can take several forms. 

Get Help

If you feel as though you are in a bad relationship, seek help from a counsellor. If your partner is unwilling to go with you, take a friend or go alone. It is not good to be in a relationship where both parties are unhealthily dependent on each other.

A counseller can help you get through these hurdles and give you a safe space to talk about your problems. Contact us today to book a session.